falling

Confessing your feelings to someone feels like jumping off a cliff. I think it's probably the way committing suicide must feel. Like you made a decision and you're scared as hell and you can't believe you're actually doing it, but it's too late now because you're already in the air.

Like jumping into a pool, the moment before you hit the cold water, it's too late to think about the consequences of your irreversible actions. The only thing that matters is going through with it.

I said it and my mouth went dry. I felt like I just punished somebody.

He laughed nervously.

We talked for a few charged minutes. It's like you could almost hear the high voltage snapping in the air.

And then -- nothing happened.

I realized I didn't think through until this point. Running the scenario through in my head pretty much ended here. Something epic was supposed to happen.

But, like any conversation where you're merely informing somebody about a fact, pretty quickly you run out of things you need to say. I packed my things at least three times and didn't really add anything new before I just got up and left. He seemed relieved.

Then I walked to my car and called my boyfriend.