Undervalued

I come in the morning and begin to work. I model and modify numbers in excel to make exhibits that illustrate what the client will want probably want to see, remembering that I'm ultimately, working for them. I generate charts and graphs and model scenarios and rarely think about the impact they will play on the people who work at the company where they will be implemented. I evaluate stock options and equity grants without thinking of the spit-out number besides to calm my fears that they are consistent with other parts of the report.

I don't usually think about the numbers that I look at. But sometimes, I'll look at the total compensation for the executives who request our work, and understand that those numbers represent more money than I will probably see in my entire lifetime. More money than my parents ever saw in their entire lifetimes. Yet, they always think it is never enough. Everyone's convinced that they are undervalued. They know they weren't born for nothing.

Everything is invented.
Language. Childhood. Careers.
Relationships. Religion.
Philosophy. The Future.
They are not there for the plucking.
They don't exist in some
natural state.
They must be invented by people.
And that, of course, is a great thing.
Don't mope in your room.
Go invent something.
That is the American message.
Electricity. Flight. The telephone.
Television. Computers. Walking on
The moon. It never stops.

It took me a long time to put this blog up. Then it took me another year or so to have the guts to make it public.

Yesterday morning, I took it offline because of an incident with someone that I don't know really well, and frankly, would prefer to not to get to know better. Just one of those little things. They didn't even know I noticed, but I did, and I couldn't get it out of my head.

But it only took me 24 hours this time to know that putting it back on was the right decision.

Favorite song from Russia in 1992.

When I was young I had a favorite song. It was on a record my parents had at home and I would play it on repeat when they were still at work and my nanny hadn't yet made me begin my homework. I liked the urgency and passion in the melody...

Its about a recurring dream that the singer misses his train. He talks about how he goes to the station in the winter, and realizes too late that it's his train is already leaving, he understands that he can't chase it down, or reach it, and it's too late, but still that through the dream he's running after it nevertheless...

through connecting railroads, bridges and overhangs, past oncoming and fellow trains.

Although there are others, he explains, he needs this specific one, the wagon that he's already lived in, that the conversations there are heated, that people are decisive, there's passion and intensity, that he's obsessed with it, will never forget the number on the wagon, covered in smog and snow, he is forever sentenced to it.


I never forgot that song and would remember it after I came to America - because it's the way I felt about leaving my country and what was happening there. I was 11.

I guess that others maybe felt the same way because I recently found it online at http://rutube.ru/tracks/2864176.html?v=3e1f048019c30110cdabab258d1b1bda

The player below gets cut off:



I don't know if the song without understanding the lyrics can get across the emotion, but I always like to think it can.

Useless

The best compliment I've ever received

"you don't even realize it but you're nuclear. You can either provide electricity to all of France, or destroy Hiroshima... I hope you choose to power France"

dad's married