From how to cut paper to where did I put the scissors

I had a few too many glasses of wine last night and was up late reading a book. It talked about a designer who described creativity as "a leap across a chasm not breachable by reason" and compared it to something like a quantum leap in physics. Creativity, he said, is the joining of two seemingly unrelated things that are connected in unexpected and useful terms.

I realized that I never really thought about creativity before as a concept, although I've always placed such a high importance on it. I judge people so much on this factor, I realize.

I used to think that the antithesis to creativity was complacency, and that those people who were least creative were those who have serially settled for the obvious choices and paths in life. I still think that, to some degree, but what occurred to me last night that I can't get out of my head is the nature of the relationship of creativity to inhibition.

I'm becoming more and more convinced that the opposite of creativity is not complacency, but embarrassment, the fear of making a fool of oneself. Creativity, after all, exists not in a vacuum, but in the context of human relationships and society. What would impressionism be without the classicism and romanticism? How brave Piccasso must have been to exhibit his first cubist painting! In a society with a well-established way of doing things, he created his entirely own solution - one that to most people outside of his immediate circle must have seen as entirely idiotic..

I guess these thoughts are not news-breaking - most people understand that the greatest advances have been made by those who stood out of the crowd and firmly adhered to their internal beliefs. But I think that any creative endeavor is marred by this. It takes GUTS! And furthermore, your products are judged by the public, and if well received, influenced by that praise. And how hard must it be to not proceed in the direction by which more praise is received?

As a consequence of being extremely self conscious, I feel embarrassed almost 85% of the time. I don't think that this is a bad thing, but it has kind of entered as part of my reality. Almost half of my blog posts on this journal are saved in drafts - they're things I wrote, became embarrassed about, and hid.

One possibility is that it's because they are the most original, but another equally probable one is that they are just ghastly stupid.

I get marching to the beat of your own drum.

But what if you realize you're in a high school marching band and your drummer sucks?

Several Things

1). Are overdraft fees fair? I understand that the bank has to protect itself against giving people money which they don't have, and that essentially they are giving me a short-term loan on any money that I withdraw beyond that which is in my checking account, but is that loan structured in a fair way?

First of all, o.d. fees are charged per transaction - that means if I overdraw once by $159872983, I get charged $33, but if I overdraft 5 transactions of $3, I get charged $200. That system is essentially set up to punish the consumer that makes many $3 purchases, not one that is a high-roller. That's a loan with a 1,166.67% interest rate!

Is it just another way the banks prey on those who are in a less fortunate situation? Something about this whole shebang just seems fundamentally really unfair and unsettling.

When you talk to the managers, banks try to present overdraft fees in the familiar way of a fine - sort of like a parking ticket - for every infraction you make, you pay a fee. But when did we stop realizing that it is NOT a parking ticket - you are not supporting your city, or the municipality, you are supporting the BANK - it is absolute, PURE profit which they make on your mistake.

I get responsibility, and I get that I have a choice in the matter, and I get that risks need to be mitigated, but permitting overdrafts and charging without the consumers consent is unfair! These are simple math errors, or honest mistakes. And it's not like there is a lack of options here - I'm certain that there are ways that banks can link these accounts to savings, or credit cards, which can serve as a back up in case of an emergency.

Okay, I'm done with my rant. Feels a little bit better to get all of that out.

2). Why do I always feel like my life is a Dostoevsky novel?

3).

Often I feel like my life is a broken record. Sometimes something goes wrong and it skips and I get stuck in a groove. Often for years. And only a good jerk will get me out of being stuck.